I want my swimsuit to say beach, not beached whale!

23 May

Summer is creeping up on us, folks, laughing at our grey legs and cellulite, daring us to try those shorts on -ha ha ha!  Forget the scales, there is no crueller reminder of how much ballast you have piled on over the winter months than the annual fight with last year’s summer clothes.  Invariably this ends with me sobbing on the floor surrounded by bits of torn fabric and broken zips.

As a size 14 fifty something, may I just say that one of the biggest holiday traumas is finding a swimming costume that fits.  I’ve had cossies that hug the hip but allow my boobs to slip out, I’ve had cossies that give me a permanent wedgie and I’ve had cossies that basically look like I’ve poured raw pizza dough into a spandex bag.

A bad swimming costume can take the shine off your holiday in the sun.  There is no point in forking out a fortune for a fortnight in paradise, if you spend the entire time feeling like a big lump of badly dressed spam.

After years of getting it wrong, I’ve realised the trick to being happy on the beach is to spend just that little bit of extra on your one-piece (forget the bikini by the way-50 plus women in bikini’s are merely hideous show offs)

When I say ‘spend more’ I’m talking old fashioned, built to last quality.  Come to think of it, Volvo should really bring out a range of reliable swimwear.

Basically you need to spend enough to by some invisible structure.  This means darts and secure seams and clever ruching across the belly to disguise the bulge.  Plus, of course, the addition of those glorious foam bosom cups, which not only act as a buoyancy aid but should it turn chilly on the beach can be detached and used to drink soup from!

A well designed swimsuit is a wonderous thing.  Mine is also enormous.  it looks like a chintz loose cover I’ve stripped off the sofa.  Even when neatly folded it takes up half the suitcase, which means I’ve very little space to pack those elegant white trousers and delicate strappy evening dress.  But, bearing in mind I don’t actually possess any of those anyway, that’s no bad thing!

We love this article, it makes some lighthearted observations about things we all think about our swimsuit shopping!  Honestly, patented high lycra swimwear, with pattern placement (a wonderous thing to hide everything) ruching and especially cup sizing makes your look and feel soooo much better on the beach.  What do you think? Can we help with your challenges?  Just contact us and we will see what we can do to advise you on how to ‘fix’ the problem 

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